Refreshing Honesty

I have been watching the X Factor series on TV (similar idea to the American Idol) with Simon Cowell as one of the judges. Simon Cowell is well known for his blunt and controversial criticisms – he says it the way he sees it and based on his comments I can't image that he holds anything back.

It's actually quite refreshing; someone who is completely honest and says what he means and means what he says. There is no political correctness in this guy whatsoever. Everyone knows where they stand with him.

He is generally not even nice about it, no sugar coating. I imagine most people think he is harsh, mean, and perhaps rude.

Question: What is worse?

Lying and deceiving someone by telling them what they want to hear rather than what you really think?

Or,

Being completely honest and saying what you really think in an effort to help?

There are four judges on this television show, but it is clear that Simon Cowell is the most respected. We especially wait to hear his opinion above the other three, regardless of how harsh it may come across, because we know that it will be an honest opinion. Society is craving honesty in communication.

The first step to encouraging honesty is to accept and understand one simple fact: Having hurt feelings is a choice.

Refreshing Honesty

Blame – A Destructive Force

Blaming everything and everyone else is a reality that is literally destroying societies.

• Failing to pass a test is the fault of the test, the teacher or the school.
  
• A speeding ticket is somehow the fault of either the police or the limit sign not placed in a convenient enough location to see in the short spurts of time the driver is looking up between text messages.
  
• "Occupiers" have camped out in cities all over North America blaming the rich for all the problems in the world.
  
• People are offended because someone said something that "offended" them.
  
• Poor business results are due to the recession, the system, competition or the government.
  
• The criminal commits crimes because of their upbringing, race, colour or perceived disadvantages they have had in life.
  

When we levy blame (accountability) against someone else, it tends to abdicate all responsibility for doing anything to solve the issue. This renders people powerless – it creates victims, which shuts down ingenuity, suppresses creativity and smothers progress.

When my kids were very young I was not concerned when they would blame their sister or their toy for being upset, because I knew they would grow out of it. But really, what do you say to a person that is vibrating with contempt for the police because they were introduced to the effects of pepper spray after hurling rocks, bottles and Molotov cocktails at them? How do you respond to a businessperson that blames all of their problems on everything and everyone else?

The right response / approach / attitude is to consider what my part is in this situation. Instead of blaming someone else for my problems, what if I ask myself what I may have done / currently doing / not doing to cause this problem and what or how can I take action to resolve it. If I accept responsibility for my own problems, not only will I avoid repeating, I am most likely to take productive action to change them. (Notice the emphasis on first person in the preceding two sentences).

Whining is not taking action. Forcing others to solve your problems is not taking action. Positive leadership takes action that is constructive – never destructive.

Blaming others is a waste of energy and creates powerless victims. Looking in the mirror for accountability and action will cause you to enjoy great success.

Now, if you feel contempt for me because of the feeling of guilt you have after reading this . . . you might have a blame problem.

Blame – A Destructive Force