Ask don’t Tell

What kind of people do you want? Consider first how you treat them as this will largely determine what you get.

In the military, one is trained to be disciplined and obedient at all times. Do exactly what you are told to do–word for word. Never miss a thing they tell you to do, and never take shortcuts, or you will suffer the consequences. Failproducts.com 

The hit 1960's spy parody television show "Get Smart" starring Don Adams as Maxwell Smart (recently made into a movie - 2008) featured a humanoid robot named Hymie, which followed instructions exactly as worded. For example, when Smart tells Hymie to "get a hold of yourself," he grasps each arm with the other.

In retail, we use the term "facing" which means to front face or pull products forward to the front of a shelf. A colleague once directed a new employee to face an aisle in a certain department. Upon checking a while later, he found the employee standing and facing the shelves down the aisle not understanding what was asked of him.

A disappointing fact to some, people are not machines that perform continuously doing exactly what they are designed for and only require fuel and minimal maintenance. However, a leader's military style interaction and expectations can render their people pretty close to a basic machine.

The most effective leaders influence and inspire through open-ended questions vs. dictation. They have a vision and clear idea of where they want to go, what it looks like when they get there and craftily steer people and consequently the organization toward the goal.

This does not refer to becoming more polite i.e.: instead of telling someone to do something, ask him or her to do it. Rather it is the ability, through questioning, to persuade others to come up with the answer, idea, direction etc. that you have in mind. This is essentially coaching which develops self-sufficient empowered individuals.

In war, people die if orders are not followed explicitly. In business, organizations fail if people are not empowered to use their judgement.

Ask don’t Tell

Contempt

The most destructive force in any organization is that of individuals within treating others with contempt. Consider the following with respect to marriage relationships:

John Gottman, Ph.D., a well respected psychologist and marriage researcher, says he can predict with 95% accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce within 15 years by micro analyzing a videotape of the pair talking for an hour. His secret is paying attention to the number of times in the conversation the couples participate in what he calls the Four Horsemen:

• Defensiveness: A response like "It's not my fault, it's your fault!" to a real or imagined attack.
• Stonewalling: The silent treatment. This seems to be more common in men than women.
• Criticism: Labeling a partner with a negative trait such as "You're selfish."
• Contempt: Labeling a partner with a negative trait as if the blamed person is inferior and the criticizer is superior. Contempt is often shown through body language: tone of voice, facial expressions, and body movement. Just a roll of the eyes can signal that someone considers themselves above you.

As reported in Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell, Gottman indicates that contempt is the single greatest indicator of a future relationship breakup. 
Psychology Today

Contempt is disrespect and condescension that attempts to put others on a lower plane. Gottman suggests that he can predict the future success of a marriage by just overhearing a conversation between couples in a restaurant over dinner, specifically listening for indicators of contempt.

A relationship is a relationship, why would there be any difference in the relationships within an organization? However, instead of divorce, we would have dysfunction, infighting, lack of trust and collaboration. In extreme cases, the destructive energy could be similar to what we saw in the 1989 film The War of the Roses (Michael Douglas & Kathleen Turner), where the goal was mutual mental and physically destruction.

Contemptuous behaviour in organizations should be confronted and dealt with quickly. Disagreement and debate is necessary. However, healthy disagreement is respectful and professional. Everyone inside, or who is exposed to your organization, deserves to be treated with respect and dignity – everyone.

We need to start with ourselves; do you view others (at work or at home) as inferior? The consequences of this thinking and the resulting behaviour are well documented.

Contempt

Character is Key

If you ever get the opportunity to be on the reality TV series Survivor, know this: those who swear their allegiance to you by anything or anyone are the ones that you should not trust.

Those who use phrases and / or idioms to emphasize their intent typically demonstrate duplicitous qualities.

• Swearing by (someone or something) to show true sincerity.
• "Cross my heart hope to die," to accentuate honesty.
• "I really mean it," when used to emphasize audacious statements.
• "Just kidding," when it means, "I am really serious but I just saw the look of offence on your face and need to backpedal because I am afraid you will be angry with me."

The brutal reality is: how we do anything is how we do everything. Our intuition informs us to be reluctant with trust towards those who feel the need to "swear by" and put extra emphasis on their oaths. Deep down inside we instinctively know that what we hear in their words will translate to their actions. Those who are wise heed their intuition and are cautious. Anyone that has had their trust violated will realize in hindsight that they ignored their intuition about that individual. Our intuition is a powerful thing and will help to avoid many problems – listen to it.

Am I saying that everyone who says these types of things has an insincere character? Yes, actually I am. And no I am not kidding. Start examining the character of those you know who make these types of statements, either you are already suspicious of their character or you have been ignoring your intuition.

Leaders will be forgiven for almost any mistake except for those that stem from weak character and behaviour that destroys trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil. Mathew 5:37

Character is Key

Work / life balance

Why do we work? To make money, to contribute, to find purpose are all reasons that we would hear. I think a colleague of mine stated it best, "we work to improve our personal lives." There are those that work for the sake of work (work is everything) whom I feel sorry for, them and their family (if they have managed to hold on to), but this [improve my personal life] is the reason that I go to work and do my best everyday.

The challenge / problem for some is that they have failed to draw a line in terms of when they will work and when they will stop working, each day / each week.

Parkinson's law:
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.

To state more succinctly:

The amount of time which one has to perform a task is the amount of time it will take to complete the task.


The reality is that if we have clear goals, putting limits on the amount of time that we allocate to achieve those goals will result in enhanced productivity. We will get the work complete, and have more time for our personal life. We can determine the deadline to complete the work. For example: a project that must be completed by Monday morning could be completed by Friday night at six if we so choose. 

Outlined in the book "Start with Why" by Simon Sinek, a construction company in Baton Rouge, Louisiana actually measures work life balance: employees are required to clock in between 8:00 – 8:30 a.m. and clock out between 5:00 – 5:30pm. Stay any later and they are taken out of a bonus pool. Because they know they have to leave by 5:30 p.m. wasted time has dropped to a minimum. Productivity is high and turnover is low.

Decide when you will start / stop work and which days you will work. Make these restrictions to time dedicated to work a personal commitment to yourself. Most importantly, don't break that commitment. If you break commitments to yourself, it becomes easier to break commitments to others. How you do anything - is how you do everything.

Ultimately, the issue is rooted in our values and we are choosing to cheat. We cheat either our time at work or time with our family.

Work / life balance

How can I improve my success?

I know very little about horses, with the exception of two very important facts. The first is some wise advice given to me: when walking behind a horse, ALWAYS put your hand on their behind, this prevents being kicked. It is important to remember that this only applies to horses, do this to a women and you will get kicked.

The second: where the head goes, the horse goes. A horse must go in the direction of their head. When riding a horse, pull the reins in the direction that you want the horse to turn. In order to rear up a horse must throw its head backwards; a strap tying the head to the saddle eliminates the ability to throw its head back making it impossible for the horse to rear up. If a horse is lying on the ground, it must throw its head up to stand up. It is possible to prevent a 1500-pound horse from getting up by just putting your foot on its head.

This principle is identical with us, except that it is our words that control our direction. What we say, and have been saying, is the direction that our life is going. If we say, "I always seem to run out of time to complete my projects," we have determined what will continue to happen. "My people never seem to be able to deliver on the expected results," will most likely continue to come true (likely? they can overcome our negative speaking with their own positive words). Speaking negatively will take our life in a negative direction.

The good news is that we can change our direction by changing our words. "I will find a way to get this project done on time and it will be the exceptional work," "I will help my people deliver on results and together we will find a way to get it done," are statements that will cause us to become proactive and successful. 

This is not an easy thing to change; first start by listening to what you are / have been saying. Of course, this is rooted in what you have been thinking.

Use words that take you in the direction you want to go and it will force your thinking to change.

 

How can I improve my success?

It’s the people of the business . . .

The level of enthusiasm of your guest experience can never rise higher than the enthusiasm of your OWN employees - Joel Manby

Difficult to imagine anyone disagreeing with this, but for many this is just head knowledge or intellectual knowledge, known but not acted on or used. Why? Great service is difficult to measure, particularly any link to the bottom line, and far too many organizations have the bottom line as their vision or purpose.

"But don't organizations exist to make a profit?" you may ask. Profit is the positive outcome of whatever it is your organization does. The organization didn't start with the sole purpose of making profit. Sure, it [profit] was a motivator, but the true reason was the product or service offered.

If you actually want enthused employees, there are two types of motivation: extrinsic and intrinsic.

• Extrinsic motivation is the reward from outside sources such as pay, benefits, promotion etc.
• Intrinsic motivation is internal, the feeling of accomplishment and gratification that we derive from doing a good job.

Pay your people well. Pay them at the high end of the scale for your industry and hold them accountable to your clear expectations. The accountability part is key, you will attract many to your organization but the accountability will "weed the garden" so to speak and retain the very best.

Infinitely more important is tapping into intrinsic motivation. People want to matter, to contribute, to be empowered, to be autonomous. They want responsibility, to work independently, and provided with freedom to show ingenuity. If you treat your people like "cogs in the wheel," you will get "cogs" and your guest experience (any interaction with customer) will be just about as routine, flat and un-engaging as using an automatic gas station pump, self-checkout or ATM machine.

Focus on the people of the business vs. the business of the people.

It’s the people of the business . . .

Technology Addictions

Imagine if we could bring someone from the past, say . . . 200 years ago, into the present day. Consider just the ability to communicate today compared to the year 1812. The capability to know in mere seconds the answer to any question and news from anywhere on the planet from a device that fits in the palm of the hand. It would be difficult, perhaps impossible for them to comprehend. Now give them a job in a modern work environment — disaster. This would however, make for a great movie.

The work environment has become overwhelmingly complex. Some of it is necessary and beneficial, but most of it is counterproductive. Consider the deception of multi-tasking that provides people with the false sense of belief that they can accomplish more by doing more activities at once. It is a lie. See here for more explanation.
The modern trend of multitasking is largely a result of technology; I can pretend to carry on a conversation with you while texting both my kids and my wife, read email while driving my car with at least one hand and listen to Meagan (the lady in my GPS who is always patient with me) guide me to my destination. The fact is that I am not doing any of these things well (most have negative consequences . . . to not doing them well).

We plan less effectively, communicate less succinctly, and listen less attentively because of technology. What would we do if it [communication technology] suddenly disappeared? What if we considered a "fast" of sorts ─ some restriction ─ on the use of technology and everything that gives us the false perception that we can do more by doing many things simultaneously.
Imagine how the following would make everyone in your organization more productive:

• You can only work 40 hours per week, but your compensation depends on results; use your time wisely.
• You can only send 10 emails per day ─ no exceptions ─ choose your words wisely.
• You can only spend 2 hours per week in meetings ─ make sure your objectives for meetings are clear.
• You can only talk on your phone with a blind fold on . . . radical yes, but think what behaviours would change.

There should be a purposeful and continuous goal to hold technology in the place of a help vs. the master. There era of carbon paper did have some advantages.

Technology Addictions